Bleach Variety Show
by demonoftheblackflames
Summary: This was written for a friend! Rated Teen for a few things.


DBF: This is a Christmas Gift written for a friend on ! The name I use in there for myself is my screen name on DA. This was originally written for DA but I had some issues while posting it so I shall post it here! My dearest friend ChaosMagicianGirl, this is for you!! *huggles her friend* I hope she likes the fixed ending!!

Spunkylilmonkey: Welcome one and all to open mic night!! BLEACH STYLE!! We have a wonderful show for you today so sit back, relax, and enjoy! First we have a man who seems to have a fetish with his hat..*sweatdrops as I take my leave off the stage*

Urahara came out clutching his hat to his chest. He held a microphone with one hand and cleared his throat slightly as he began to recite a poem.

"My hat is is green

Have you seen?

My hat is white

But it doesn't bite"

Spunkylilmonkey: *facepalm*

"My hat is floppy

I come out of the tub soppy"

Spunkylilmonkey: *blinks* Is soppy even a word? And when did this switch to porno hour?

"I love my hat" Urahara finished as the audience just blinked at him with slight shock.

Spunkylilmonkey: *runs back on stage* Thank you Urahara for that..wonderful..uhh..poem..*sweatdrops again*

Urahara smiles and bows then walks off the stage.

Spunkylilmonkey: Next we Kenpachi, who is going to do a collaboration of Jingle Bells with his shoulder monkey Yachiru!! *walks off the stage once more*

Kenpachi walks on the stage with Yachiru perched on his shoulder. Kenpachi took a deep breath, Yachiru at the ready to do her part. Then Kenpachi started to sing:

"Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way"

Then he did a very haunting laugh as Yachiru hit the bells tied onto the ends of his spikey hair in tune with his singing.

The audience just stared in horror.

Kenpachi gave them a glare then continued:

"Bells on bob tails ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to laugh and sing

A sleighing song tonight"

Spunkylilmonkey: *appears behind Kenpachi and Yachiru riding across the stage in a sleigh*

"Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

In a one horse open sleigh"

Half the audience had either put ear plugs in their ears or left due to Kenpachi's horribly off key singing voice.

Spunkylilmonkey: *comes back on stage without the sleigh and stops Kenpachi in mid chorus* OOOKAAAY!! I think the audience has had enough of your wonderful voice!! *sarcasm*

Kenpachi just glared at me.

Spunkylilmonkey: *smiles sheepishly as she pushes Kenpachi and Yachiru off the stage* *returns a couple minutes later with slight cuts and bruises on her, obviously from Kenpachi* Next we have Ukitake with some funny jokes!! *she skips happily off the stage*

Ukitake is then seen dragging Toshiro onto the stage.

"I don't want to do this.." Toshiro mumbled.

Ukitake just rolled his eyes and ignored the younger ones comments.

"Knock Knock" Ukitake began.

"Bite me" Toshiro responded coldly.

"..Okay..we'll try this again..knock knock.."

"Kiss my a--"

Spunkylilmonkey: *runs on stage and slaps a hand over Toshiro's mouth* Watch it!! There are some children in the audience!!

Toshiro just pulled away from Spunkylilmonkey and walked off stage, clearly not amused. Ukitake ran off after him.

Spunkylilmonkey: *blinks as she watches them exit* Aheh..*rubs the back of her neck nervously* Sorry about that folks..Now the moment you've all been waiting for! Ulquiorra with an ode to his love! *motions for Ulquiorra to come out on stage*

Ulquiorra walked out on stage with a slight smile on his lips. "My love, you are the light of my life, I will love you always and shall be there with you through thick or thin, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.."

Spunkylilmonkey: *sweatdrops* Is he trying to propose to her?

"Marry me.." the words fled from Ulquiorra's lips.

Spunkylilmonkey: *her jaw drops in surprise*

Ulquiorra then walked off stage and past the poor shocked little monkey.

Spunkylilmonkey: *after getting over the shock of what just happened she walked back out on stage* Well hopefull ChaosMagicianGirl will accept! Right folks!"

The audience cheered with happiness.

Spunkylilmonkey: That's all for tonight!! I hope you enjoyed this! *bows and takes her leave*

DBF: Well I hope you enjoyed this!!


End file.
